It's just human nature to doubt the claims of someone who has already lied to or cheated on you. So, the spouse who had an affair can claim that he is beyond remorseful, ashamed, embarrassed and even mortified by his behavior. But his wife can't help wondering why he wasn't feeling any of these emotions when he was carrying on the affair. ArabianDate.com Reviews So many people wonder how "real" these claims truly are.
You might hear from someone who
says something like: "here's what I want to know. Are cheaters truly
embarrassed or ashamed by their behavior? Here's why I am asking. Over the last
two months, two of my very good friends found out that their husband's were
cheating. Coincidentally enough, my husband and I were attending a sporting
event that was popular and drew a very large crowd. We actually saw one of
these men out with the other woman. Rather than ducking away and trying to hide
from us (which is what I would have done) this guy literally puffed out his
chest like he was proud to be seen with this much younger woman. He gave my
husband a look like my husband should be envious. This guy acted like he was
ecstatic that he was out with a woman young enough to be his daughter while his
family was at home and heartbroken. And yet, the wife had told me that he was
begging her not to leave him all the while telling her how ashamed he was.
Well, he sure didn't look ashamed to me. Meanwhile, one of my best friends is
riddled with guilt because her old boyfriend looked her up on Facebook and she
didn't tell her husband immediately. Nothing happened. She gave the guy a quick
response back telling him how happily married she was. This wasn't cheating.
And yet my friend is very ashamed, as if she did something wrong. ArabianDate I've heard
people on TV say that cheaters are ashamed but I don't believe it. It seems to
me that people who stop short of cheating are embarrassed or ashamed while the
real and blatant cheaters are not."
I can understand why it would seem
this way. And I would probably assume the same in a similar situation. In fact,
I often doubted my own husband's alleged shame because I figured that most of
that shame was happening simply because he got caught. But, once I started
writing articles about this topic and started getting responses, I have to say
that I heard from a lot of people who deeply regretted cheated on their spouses
and who felt very deep shame. Granted, I very rarely hear from the indignant
cheater who feels little or no remorse, but I know that there are people out
there who feel this way. So I can't say with any accuracy which percentage of
people who cheat feel shame.
But I do honestly believe that some
do. And my theory on this is that the higher the quality of the person and the
stronger their character, the more likely it is going to be that they feel
shame. Because let's face it. A cheating husband who never does the right thing
who cheats on his taxes, is stingy with his emotions, and who is cruel to
others isn't going ArabianDate.com to feel
much shame when he cheats because this the norm for him. It is in his character
to act in a way that most of us would find distasteful.
But people who are known to be
good, decent and caring people in every other area of their life and who make a
mistake generally do feel real remorse and true shame. Now, I'm not going to tell
you that these good people do not compartmentalize or try to come up with
justification for their behavior. If they couldn't do this, then they might not
be able to carry out their cheating. I am also not going to tell you that good
people don't try to posture and pretend that they feel that their had their
reasons even if they know in their hearts that they did not.
But usually, when good people see
the pain in their spouses eyes and they take the time to look an honest look at
what they have done and who they have hurt, then yes, they are ashamed and they
are often very embarrassed. This is only my opinion from the things that I've
seen and from the stories that I hear. But I do believe that there is often
regret and remorse, even if it is repressed. But I also believe that it depends
upon the character of the person who you are talking about.
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