One of the biggest obstacles that you have to overcome when trying to evaluate or even save your marriage after your spouse has an affair is determining if you can believe his claims. Often, you truly want to believe him, but you can't help but doubt some of what he is telling you. ArabianDate.com Reviews After all, he very easily and effortlessly lied to you while he was cheating, so what is to ensure that he is telling you the truth now?
An example of this type of concern
is something like: "I only caught my husband cheating because I left my
lunch at home and I swung by to get it. My husband has been unemployed for four
months and he has been having an affair with one of my neighbors. This woman
was at our house and when I walked in and as soon as I saw her, I knew that
something was up. A quick check on his phone and Facebook account showed me
that I was right. Because my husband has lost his job, we can't afford to move
and the other woman has lived in our neighborhood for twenty years. My husband
swears that he hasn't seen the other woman and that he won't see her. He says
he will only take our dogs for walks when I can be with him. He says that he
doesn't go outside or have any visits from her while I am at work. He hasn't
given me any specific reason not to believe him. But since I'm not home ArabianDate and I can
only call him, I have my doubts. What is to stop him from sneaking her in there
and just answering the phone like he is alone? I'd like to save my marriage,
but I have my doubts as to whether or not it is possible. I just don't have the
trust. And since there is no way for him to prove that he is telling me the
truth, I'm not sure how to restore it either."
I am sure that you already suspect
this, but most women in your situation have the same doubts. Unless you are
with your husband twenty four hours per day (which isn't possible or desirable
for most of us) then there is always going to be some mystery as to exactly
what he is doing. And it is only normal to suspect him of wrong doing when he
has just recently cheated on you. In a sense, as the faithful spouse, you can
get a little paranoid.
I can only speak for myself, but
after my own husband's affair, if he was even five minutes late or he didn't
call me when I thought he would, my mind would automatically go to places where
he was doing something wrong or even being unfaithful again. These assumptions
weren't correct. ArabianDate.com And they
only eroded our trust that much more. But you can only do so much to avoid
this. In time, as the trust is rebuild and as you begin to see that, time and
time again, your spouse comes through and ends up doing exactly what he has
said, then you begin to back away with these assumptions.
But until then, you can try to work
it out so that the circumstances allow you to trust as much as is possible at
the time. For example, perhaps it would make you feel better if you dropped by
unannounced a time or two just to reassure yourself that she isn't there. Or,
you could arrange for him to meet you for lunch regularly. Alternatively, you
could arrange for him to do something very regularly outside of the house like
networking, training, or something that would lessen the tension and give him
confidence with his job search.
Frankly, people can become quite
depressed and hopeless when they are unemployed, and this could well have
contributed to his cheating. That's why I believe it's vital to aggressively
pursue anything to do with improving his employability to keep his self esteem
high.
That's why I also don't think that
counseling is a bad idea here. A man who is willing to go with you to
counseling gives you just one more indication that he is serious about making
his marriage work. And if this is true, you have to ask yourself if he would
jeopardize that same marriage by continuing on with the same thing that almost
ended it in the first place.
I know that you feel like you are
being asked to just blindly trust him. That is why I would check in at times
and why I would try to keep him extremely busy in his job search. But, at the
end of the day, you can't be with him all of the time. And there comes a point
where you have to decide if you're going to assume that he is being truthful
until he gives you a reason to think otherwise.
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