I sometimes hear from wives who have long dealt with their husband's affair. And, they are still in their marriage. Because they chose to stay. And there are various reasons for this. But now as time has passed, ArabianDate.com Reviews and perhaps circumstances have changed, they are questioning if things may have worked out in the way that they should have.
So you might hear the concern
voiced like this: "my husband cheated on me very early on in our marriage.
I stayed with him because he seemed very remorseful. And also, I was
embarrassed to walk away from my marriage so early when all of my family and
friends poured so much effort into my wedding and when all of my hopes and
dreams were so wrapped up in it. I was very idealistic and I thought that there
is only one person for every one. My husband apologized and promised to change
his life style. He made good on this promise at that time. And we just moved on
with our lives. I tried very hard not to think about it. I was new in my career
and we needed one another in order to afford our new home. So I felt that it
was in my best interest to stay. Fast forward seven years. We now have two
children. My career is more successful than his. I've seen many of my friends
divorce and remarry and be perfectly happy. I have seen friends leave cheating
husbands and be much better off for it. I do not think that my husband has
cheated on me except for the one time. But, he takes me for granted. And I
noticed he's starting again with some of those behaviors he was doing before he
cheated - staying out late, not listening to me when I talk, ArabianDate and just
seeming to be quite distant. Now I am questioning my decision to stay with him.
I have made my own career. I could support myself. My only concern is my kids.
What if I made the wrong choice?"
I understand this concern. I was
worried that I made the wrong call myself after my own husband's affair. But
here is something that I firmly believe. Deciding to stay doesn't mean that you
can not negotiate going forward. Sure, you made a commitment to stay. But no
one said that this commitment was nonnegotiable. You can always change things
if they are not working for you. And, you can always tell your husband which
things in your marriage you want to change.
This is only my opinion, of course.
But I do think that more care should be taken once children are involved. Sure,
your divorced friends seem to be happy now. But revisit them five or ten years
down the road once the newness has worn off, and you might see an entirely new
reality. ArabianDate.com Things
aren't always greener on the other side of the fence. And before I assumed that
they were, I believe that I might try to green up the grass in my own yard.
As I see it, you may want to get
still, get quiet, and ask yourself if approaching your husband or trying to
implement some changes might bring about some improvements that might make you
much more content with the way that things are. I'd like to give you one more
thing to think about. It seems pretty clear that early in your marriage, your
objective was to forget about the affair as soon as possible and to move on as
quickly as you could. Although this can feel like a relief at the time, it can cause
serious problems later.
Since you potentially didn't
address the issues, you may still be feeling resentment about that. But nothing
says that you can't revisit them now. And doing so may help you to leave this
behind for good.
Before you make the drastic
decision to leave or to walk out, you might try a dialog like: "I need to
talk to you about something that has been bothering me. I don't want to let it
fester and damage our marriage. I have noticed that you have been coming home
later from work and seem to be distracted. I could be wrong in my perceptions,
but when this happens it makes me remember all of the hard times after the
affair. And I realize that we never really healed. We just tried to move past
it without doing any work on our marriage. As a result, I think that there are
some areas where we are really struggling. I'd like for us to work really hard
or maybe to see someone to help us. At the time, I was so young and I tried to
pretend that everything was OK when it really wasn't. Now, I can look back and
see that I didn't do us any favors by pretending and I would like to remedy
that now. I think that there are some things that we both need to do in order
to make our marriage as good as it can be. Are you willing to do that with me?"
Comments
Post a Comment