It's very common for husbands who have been caught cheating to try to declare their love for their wife immediately afterward. Because once it is clear that they might lose her, then they realize how catastrophic ArabianDate.com Reviews their behavior has truly been. Sometimes, the wife might find this somewhat reassuring, but rarely does it even begin to approach being enough. Although the words are nice to hear, they don't make everything OK. Not by a long shot.
A wife might say: "if you can
believe this, my husband cheated on me with a vendor that we hired for our
daughter's wedding. I am relatively certain that this is the only time my
husband has cheated throughout our very long term marriage. I will admit that
planning this wedding has been very stressful. Apparently the other woman
called my husband pretending that she needed to meet to discuss something about
the wedding. I will never understand why my husband didn't see something fishy
about this. Why would anyone want to meet with him about the wedding and
exclude me, the mother of the bride? Anyway, my husband was very naive and
stupid. ArabianDate He admits
that. But honestly, that doesn't matter to me all that much. Because his
stupidity doesn't erase my hurt and humiliation. I believe my husband told me
about this because he was afraid that the other woman would make the affair
obvious at the wedding. I hated the thought of her being there, but it could
not be avoided and I didn't want my daughter to suspect anything. At the
wedding, my husband made a toast and instead of talking about my daughter and
her new husband, he went on and on about his love for me, our marriage, and how
he hoped my daughter could have the kind of life and love that we have had. I
guess he thought I was going to be happy about this because he acted quite
proud of himself afterward. I was appalled. That was not the time or place. His
words touched me, but I didn't want for them to be put on display. He said that
he wanted for every one to know how much he loved me. He said that he wanted
for me to know it. He wanted our friends to know it. And he especially wanted
the other woman to know it. ArabianDate.com Well, I
want him to know something too. None of this makes any of it OK. It doesn't
even make a dent in my pain."
I absolutely understand.
Reassurance is nice. But it is not healing. It doesn't undo what has already
been done. But nothing says that you have to accept this for anything other
than it was - an attempt by your husband to reassure you of his love and
commitment. And so that your reaction is clear, there is nothing wrong with
explaining.
You might say: "I'm honestly
not sure how I feel about what you did. I appreciate all of those things you
said about me, but I don't think it was the right time or place for it. And it
doesn't really change anything for us. Although it tells me that you still love
me and you are aware of everything I've meant to you, it doesn't take away that
you put all of those things in jeopardy. It doesn't change the fact that in
order to maintain that marriage which you talked so eloquently about, we have
an awful lot of work to do, and even then, I don't know what the outcome is
going to be. So while I was touched by what you said, I want to make it clear
that we are still at the same place where we started - with a very damaged
marriage that will need to be repaired. What you said told me that you are
willing to do the work to repair it - and that does matter to me - but we are
at the very beginning stages."
This way, you haven't insulted him.
And you have acknowledged his effort, but you have also made it very clear that
it really changes nothing. At the same time, I hear from a lot of wives who
would give anything for a husband remorseful enough and sincere enough to make
a speech like that. So, I agree with you that it matters. And it's very nice
starting point. And there is nothing wrong with using it for that - someplace
to start with a good amount of goodwill and motivation. But it doesn't begin to
make it OK. And as long as your husband understands this, then there's probably
no harm done.
The folks at the wedding likely
thought it was a touching speech by a proud father and husband - and nothing
more. And the other woman likely got the message loud and clear. So now it's
time to let that incident go and begin the healing process - provided that is
what you want. Because no matter what words your husband says, it really is
your choice.
Comments
Post a Comment