I sometimes hear from spouses who deeply regret cheating on their spouse and who are now ready to get on with the work of saving their marriages. These spouses will often tell you that they would be willing Amolatina.com Reviews to do just about anything to save their marriage if only given the chance.
The problem, of course, is that
sometimes the spouse who was cheated on does not feel so generous about
offering up that chance. Sometimes, the faithful spouse stops just short of
kicking the cheating spouse out (which is a relief) but refuses to be alone
with the cheating spouse. This can make working on the marriage quite difficult
and it can make the cheating spouse wonder if she is going to ever have the
chance to make this right.
An example is: "I regret
cheating on my husband more than words can express. At this point, I don't care
what I have to do in order to get his faith back and keep my family. I am
willing to do anything. But it doesn't seem as if he wants to give me this
chance. Don't get me wrong. Amolatina I am so
grateful that he didn't kick me out. He has every right to hate me. I cheated
on him with a friend that he has had since grade school. We were drunk, but
that's no excuse. And there is certainly no excuse for me to continue it on the
way that I did. I am very thankful that he has decided to give this a little
time. We have children. I don't want to tear my family apart. So I am grateful
for the little victories and concessions that I have been given. But I worry
about the future. Since the affair was exposed, my husband has not spent any
time alone with me. He sleeps on the couch. He talks to the kids when we eat
dinner but he does not talk to me. We met his parents for brunch last weekend
and he talked around me, but he never addressed me directly. I have asked him when
he's going to be comfortable being alone with me because at some point, we are
going to have to talk at length. And in order to do that, he is going to have
to stop and be in the same room with me. But his response to me is that I have
no right to make demands of him and that I should take what I can get for now.
Is he right?"
Unfortunately, it wasn't clear what
kind of time line we were talking about. But, I think if the affair was so
fresh that it had been weeks instead of months since it was discovered, it's
not completely unusual for the faithful spouse to avoid the cheating spouse. I
don't know this husband Amolatina.com nor can I
speculate on why he might be avoiding his wife. But as a spouse who has been
cheated on, I can share with you why I avoided my husband at all costs at
first.
I believe that the main reason that
I didn't want to spend any meaningful time with my husband at that time in our
lives was because I was so angry. And as long as we were around our kids and
other people, I was able to keep the lid on this anger because I didn't want to
boil over in front of every one else, especially our children. Frankly, I was
afraid of my anger. Because I knew that once it started to boil over, it was
going to spew out and potentially never stop.
Also, I knew if my husband got me
alone, he was going to give me some sob story about why he cheated and he was
going to list the reasons that I should give him a chance. Plus, he was sure to
make me all sorts of promises. And I wasn't interested in hearing it when the
pain was so fresh, although I was interested it in hearing those things later.
The point is, when you try to see
this from your spouse's point of view, you could see why they may hesitate to
have intimate or difficult conversations with you right now. Avoiding being
alone with you is one way that they are attempting to handle this as best as
they can. It's very important that you understand how hurtful this likely is to
them and how much they are struggling. Please try to give them the benefit of
the doubt and be patient with them. In my own experience, rushing them or
pressuring them is the worst thing that you can do.
So how do you handle this? You
might want to try to ease the tension a little by addressing this directly. You
might want to gently say something like: "I notice that you are
uncomfortable being alone with me and I completely understand that. I don't
want to push or pressure you. I want you to know that I will wait for as long
as it takes and I will be there when you are ready to talk. If you'd rather
talk in the presence of a third party like a counselor, I'd be willing to do
whatever would make you comfortable. I just wanted you to know that I will wait
for whatever pace is comfortable for you. But I didn't want you to mistake my
lack of pressure as disinterest or my being passive. I desperately want to save
our marriage and help you heal. But I understand that this is all going to be
on your time frame and according to your comfort level. I'm here if you need me
and I'll wait to get a signal from you that you are ready to move
forward."
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